Friday, 30 August 2013

Sleep until the sun goes down

I just want to fall asleep. For my eyes to close and stay closed, for unconsciousness to take over my busy mind. I don't want to have to think anymore, I want my mind to be empty of thought. Empty, devoid, and calm. I want to feel no stress, to forget the things weighing on my mind. At least until morning. 
I long for my body to sink into the bed, relaxed completely. The feeling of the covers holding me and keeping me snuggled and warm. The pillow supporting my head. The sheets tucked in. I want to curl up, and put my earphones in. For music to take me to my imagination.
I want the safety and security that is sleep.
I'm just so tired.

P.s. I have practice exams coming up and so I'm sorry that this post and the next couple won't be as long as they could be :)

Sunday, 25 August 2013

Now I'm free falling

It is just about the scariest thing. When you realise that you must let go of everyone's expectations of your life, including your own, especially your own. You need to forget what you thought you wanted, to be brave and to understand that you might just find what you really, truly want. Your favourite things, all muddily and higgledy-piggledy they may be, what you truly love and could spend the rest of your life doing is, but of course, the very thing that you want and really should spend the rest of your life doing.
It is equivalent to abseiling. To make the first step off the ground, safety, and all that you know, you have to put faith in the rope while your whole body is shaking with adrenaline and fear of the very action you are about to take. And, of course, once you have taken that first step you realise that there was nothing to worry about, and in fact this is one of the best times of your life. The first step was the hardest. Granted, there may be a few bumps, but they are really just there so you appreciate the thrill of the rest.
But it is not like abseiling. There is no rope to hold you and save you if things go badly.
But wouldn't you rather they go badly doing what you love, than what you think you might love?

Sunday, 18 August 2013

Just know you're not alone...

I realised today that we can feel more than one thing, and that the second feeling doesn't make the first any less true. That just because you are sad about something, doesn't mean you can't laugh. That if you are feeling sad about something, that doesn't necessarily mean that you have to mope around the whole day, not talking to your friends and generally being miserable. One emotion that you might have does not have to affect your every move.
It is okay to feel happy and sad and lost and calm at the same time. In fact, it is pretty normal to have more than one emotion. 
You can love someone and be annoyed at them at the same time. You can mask your sadness with happiness until you are happy, and there is no need to feel guilty about not being sad anymore, because life goes on. We move forward, and change, and feel, oh how we feel, so much, so very very much, and, it is all reasonable and normal. 

And above all, remember. 

There is someone out there feeling just as mixed up as you are, a twister of emotions, so you are not alone.
ps. sorry for the massive writing again, I just can't figure it out!

Saturday, 10 August 2013

Spring has arrived!

So, here in New Zealand, spring has begun! The weather is warmer, birds are singing... I'm so excited for wearing all my summer skirts and dresses, especially this one!

But because most of the world is heading into the colder months, I thought I would share what I loved most this winter. And that was having a pile of blankets in a strategic place, so that whenever we felt a bit chilly, (or just in need of a blanket), there was one nearby to cuddle up in. These ones are so soft, I think they are called fleece throws. :)
I hope that you (yes you, behind the screen, taking time out of your day to read my blog) will have a lovely autumn/spring :) wear all your favourite clothes, enjoy the perks of the season. 
'Til next time,
Emma xx

Ps. I would like to thank Dana at for the new social media icons you see on my blog, she very kindly made free ones and showed everyone how to install them in this post :) 

Wednesday, 7 August 2013

If you want to make the world a better place...

When I was little, I used to dream that one day when I grew up I would go to impoverished countries, and with the help of the local people, put on a musical so that all of the important people who made the decisions for that country would see how they were wronging the people, and would immediately fix it, and then there wouldn't be any unhappy people anymore.
As I grew up, I realised that it is a little bit more complicated than that. Every country has its problems, some admittedly worse than others, and there isn't a quick and easy way of solving them all. But what I think is more achievable is basic human rights. This can be so easy to support, from simply buying fair trade products, so you know that the people who made your product are actually getting a reasonable income from it, and aren't being forced to work in appalling conditions to make it.
When I was younger, I thought that to make a difference in the world you had to fix everything in a huge gesture of awareness, but now I realise that you can't fix everything, but you can help people, in little ways or big ways, and they all help to make a difference :)
ps. Yes, I know the text is really big, blogger is being very annoying, and I decided too big was better than too small!

Saturday, 3 August 2013

The hills are alive...

Little fact for you about me here, I play the piano, and I love it. I have been learning the piano for a while now, but I didn't always love it.

When I was younger, say about 9 or 10, I was having piano lessons and I would probably practice about once or twice a week. I liked playing piano just about as much as I liked saying I played piano. By this point I had also had group recorder lessons for years which also encompassed percussion instruments, meaning that I had recorder skills far beyond the normal school child! I had also had violin lessons for a year, but let's just say that string instruments do not agree with me.

My piano teacher then left to an asian country to live for two years, and I stopped playing piano, because there were no other teachers as good as her, the one she sent me on to had this irritating habit of sucking and clicking her false teeth (which may or may not have been false).

When she came back this year, I had emptied my life of all the things I was doing just for the sake of doing, which freed up my life and allowed me to do the things that I really loved (like contemporary dance!). I decided to go back to piano, because it really is such a beautiful instrument, and social too, because lots of people own them, and you can play just about anything on them. I decided not to do exams and I get to choose whichever songs that I want to play. I love it so much that I practice every day, because who wouldn't when you get to play songs like the Harry Potter theme song(!) and La Valse d'Amelie. (And carrying on from my last post, also the closing song of the movie Emma, which makes me think of dancing and the beautiful balls they had back then.) I guess what I'm trying to say is don't just do something just for the sake of it, do it because you can't wait to sit down and do it, and miss it when you go away and are unable to do it. I won't say I wish someone had told me this, because I think the only way to do this properly is to discover it for yourself (which I think about most things) but maybe someone will read this at just the right moment and it will make sense to them, but otherwise? just enjoy the story :)

Image via Pinterest from here
Ps. my absolute favourite song to play is Bach's Prelude 1. No matter how you play it, it sound amazing, and anybody out there who is wondering what song it is, just click on the link, I'm sure you will have heard it before, it is just one that everyone knows without knowing. If anybody is reading this, feels like commenting and plays an instrument (unlikely but possible & yes, singing counts) what is your favourite song to play?
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